INTRODUCING NATURE ROCKS: INSPIRING AND EMPOWERING PARENTS TO TAKE THEIR FAMILIES TO PLAY, EXPLORE AND ENJOY QUALITY TIME IN NATURE FOR HAPPIER, HEALTHIER AND SMARTER CHILDREN - With Video

INTRODUCING NATURE ROCKS: INSPIRING AND EMPOWERING PARENTS TO TAKE THEIR FAMILIES TO PLAY, EXPLORE AND ENJOY QUALITY TIME IN NATURE FOR HAPPIER, HEALTHIER AND SMARTER CHILDREN - With Video

Exhaustion

So here I am....exhausted! My father, who lives 3 1/2 hours away, was recently in a bad car accident. All of a sudden, 3 1/2 hours seems like a world away and my job seems like a boulder not only keeping me away from my daughter but also keeping me from being by my dad's side. Sure, my supervisors have been more than willing to work with me and my trips home but the work doesn't stop piling up! Not only do I have to worry about the work but I now seem to get even less time with my little girl. As if I didn't struggle enough with the concept of missing out on the precious time with her, now I am giving up most of my free time to rush home and visit my father. I am working this weekend so I had to take a day and a half off (vacation time) to make a mad dash home and get a little time in with dad. Brylee had her 2 year well check on Tuesday so we left from the doc's office to head to Macon. I was able to see dad during the 4:00 visitation and the 8:30 visitation but had to find other family to help with the baby since she wasn't allowed back in the ICU. We spent the night with nanny (my mom/Brylee's grandma) so we got little sleep because we all wanted to stay up and bond. We then returned to the hospital Wednesday to visit at 10, 4, and 8:30. We had to sit in the car at the parking deck for Brylee's nap. We also snuck in an hour in between open visitation to check out the local museum of science...a desperate attempt for quality time with her...still very educational and fun! We finally hit the road for our journey back home around 9:30 pm and safely made it to Aiken around 12:30. Brylee slept the whole way and went straight to bed once home but she was still exhausted this morning which made me feel terribly guilty. I am also not functioning on all cylinders today. After finally falling asleep around 2 am, I had 3 programs today...uggghh 5th graders. I am quickly realizing that I am way too old for this stuff anymore!

Is it the right time for me to grab my dream by the horns..I mean..grab my dream by the pull-ups and become a stay-at-home mom? I keep getting these signs that it is time to turn in my notice such as the shack being available for us, Cory's new job, the wonderful volunteer who could and would easily take over where I leave off, dad needing me more and being taken advantage of regularly at work. I am just worried I am reading the signs incorrectly or overly eager to find any signs and these so-called signs not actually signs at all.

I am ready...just scared. What if I haven't calculated things correctly and we can't make it on one income? What if something happens to the shack or we never sell our house? What if we have an emergency but no funds to cover it? What if I can't find another job once I am ready to go back to work? What if Brylee is unhappy? What if she is better off where she is at? What if it is a huge mistake? Why does the economy have to suck so much right now and why does every decision, big or small, have to be so hard once you are a parent?

Struggle

So here I am...unbelievably happy to be a mom yet unhappy with parenthood. I was warned about the struggle that many new moms feel when it comes to their career and the new love of their lives. Sure, lots of moms can do it all; they can have a career and be a GREAT mom. I am just not satisfied with the little bit of time my career leaves for my daughter. I am an environmental educator. This is what I have ALWAYS wanted to be. When I am away from my job, I miss it. I actually thought I would lose my mind during my maternity leave because I missed teaching and being in nature with my little explorers. The problem is that by working in my dream job, I have to drive about 1 hour each morning and each afternoon to reach it and return home. Sure, I use the drive time to interact with my daughter but I am very limited in what we can do while safely driving. Therefore, we leave for our daily journey at 7 am and don't return until around 6:30 pm. This gives me one hour to play with my little one and get her fed. We try to put bath off until 7:30 and bed is at 8:00 for her. More than I am willing to admit, her bedtime gets pushed back to 9 or 10 pm (poor little sleepy head!) I work 1-2 Saturdays out of the month but even if I had all weekends clear to spend with her, it is just not enough! The past 2 years have flown by and I can't help but feel anxiety about the next 16! I truly feel like I am missing out on something that I can never get back; something that I will regret missing. So although I love my job and will miss it terribly, I have started a journey of desperately seeking a way to stay home with my daughter. A way to get more time, to see more smiles and hear more laughs, a way to get more hugs and kisses, a way to have more time to teach her all of these important things that I have been teaching other kids for the last few years, a way to feel more complete and happier. I am searching for a way to make the most of the precious time I have with the greatest gift I have ever been given.